Hold Me Now
by yue kato
Summary: He's six feet from the edge and he's thinking maybe six feet ain't so far down. slash.
1. maybe six feet ain't so far down

Title: Hold Me Now

Author: yue kato

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: James Bond/Alec Trevelyan

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them.

Warnings: Slash.

Notes: I first watched 'Goldeneye' when it came out back during my pre-slash days, but I was inspired after reading a couple of Bond slash fics on the 'contralamontre' livejournal community.  So I watched 'Goldeneye' again, with a new appreciation for Sean Bean and the Alec/James dynamic, and was even more inspired ^_~  Here is my own small contribution to a pairing that definitely deserves more homage than it is currently receiving.  Any feedback would be appreciated.  Thanks!****

_Hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking, maybe six feet ain't so far down…_

_----Creed, "One Last Breath"_

He hung dangling, kept from smashing into the concrete of the satellite dish over a hundred feet below.  His arm ached unbearably, the pain radiating from the gashes on his biceps to where James held onto his wrist, nearly crushing the bones in his vise-like grip.

He slipped even further and his chest constricted, but the fingers tightened and he squinted up through the harsh glare of the Cuban sun into stormy blue eyes.

It almost seemed too banal that his life would flash before his eyes, but once triggered, the memories wouldn't stop coming.

He remembered staring back into James' eyes the first time they met – ordered to cooperate with each other for the completion of the mission.  How the antagonism he saw reflected in his own eyes at being forced to work with a virtual stranger gradually melted into familiarity and friendship.

He thought he could hear James' soft murmur of "For England", echoing in his ears in responses to his own every time they embarked on another operation, cheating death for Queen and country.

He'd always needed the sweetness of James' mouth, the salt-spiciness of his skin to wash away the sourbitter tang being a 00 agent left him with – the thanklessness and indifference, the non-acknowledgment that he'd risked life and limb time beyond measure.

Once he'd believed that he could do it, carry on with that pretense of a life, serving as a lapdog to her Majesty's service.  He would be able to turn a blind eye to the betrayal dealt to his people.  Even the gnawing ignominy of his parents' deaths could be assuaged, as long as he had James' touch, as long as James was still there to hold him.

When had that stopped being enough?

Another jerk on his arm and he forced himself to look back up at James' face, beautiful still.  Beautiful and remote.  Closed off.  No longer his.

Maybe it had stopped being enough when he realised that for James, Queen and country would always be foremost.

So he had broken away, and without James to hold him back, he been free to fly, to exact his revenge on a petty country that had sent thousands of innocents to humiliation, misery and death.  He'd flown as high as he could, and now, he'd gotten too close to the sun.

"For England, James?"

"No, Alec."  James' voice was sadder, the tone more defeated than he'd ever heard it.  "This one's for me."

James let him go.

***

_For angst-lovers, please stop here._

_For those who would prefer a more pleasant, albeit less realistic, ending, please continue to the next chapter._


	2. i'm six feet from the edge

Title: Hold Me Now

Author: yue kato

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: James Bond/Alec Trevelyan

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them.

He was screaming and struggling – falling, falling, and any moment now he would hit the concrete, leaving him battered, bones broken in at least six different places.

James was now nothing but a fading speck, but strangely, it seemed like he could still hear his voice calling him through the rushing of his ears.

"Alec… Alec… Alec!"

His eyes opened with a shuddering gasp, and he stared in disbelief at the concerned blue eyes gazing down at him.

"Alec, it was just a nightmare."  James' hands were cupping his cheeks, thumbs softly stroking, soothing.  "Are you alright now?"

He tried to open his mouth to speak, but the adrenaline still rushing through his blood just pushed his breath out jerkily.  He shook his head, attempting to reassure as James began to move back, intent on checking for signs of shock.

"No…"  He gripped James' forearms and drew him back.

"Alec?"

"Nothi…"  He shook his head again and forced himself to keep his gaze fixed on his lover's.  "I… I just… hold me."

And he was already deep within James' embrace before the words had barely left his mouth.  He kept his eyes open and concentrated on the feel of James' body pressed against his from chest to hip, the callused skin of James' palms and fingers rasping over his back.

His mouth felt like it was filled with the acrid taste of ashes, and he swallowed to make it go away, ignoring the lingering traces to pay attention to James' voice whispering hollow promises of comfort and protection.

He prayed that it would be enough.

end

Please come now I think I'm falling  
I'm holding to all I think is safe  
It seems I found the road to nowhere  
And I'm trying to escape  
I yelled back when I heard thunder  
But I'm down to one last breath  
And with it let me say  
Let me say  
  
Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking  
That maybe six feet  
Ain't so far down  
  
I'm looking down now that it's over  
Reflecting on all of my mistakes  
I thought I found the road to somewhere  
Somewhere in His grace  
I cried out heaven save me  
But I'm down to one last breath  
And with it let me say  
Let me say  
  
Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking  
That maybe six feet  
Ain't so far down  
  
Sad eyes follow me  
But I still believe there's somthing left for me  
So please come stay with me  
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me  
For you and me   
For you and me  
  
Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

_----Creed, "One Last Breath"_


End file.
